Despite his wife’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, husband Ed Hammer kept his promise to his wife Terry and renewed their vows on their 50th wedding anniversary.
Fifty years ago, Ed Hammer anxiously debated how best to hide the engagement ring he was planning on proposing with that night at the Pub. He thought: “Should I put it in her drink? Should I put it in her food? If she swallows it, she might choke.” So, he gave his girlfriend of the time the ring in the parking lot before they even entered the restaurant. Ed and Terry Hammer were married that November.
On Saturday, Nov. 18, Ed and Terry promised once again to love each other for better or for worse, for richer or poorer and in sickness and health. For Ed, this promise has taken on a new meaning in the last few years following Terry’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis in 2011.
In the lobby of CareOne Harmony Village in Moorestown, a suited Ed stood awaiting his bride who, dressed entirely in white, processed toward him to the soft sound of “Here Comes the Bride” played by a harpist. Surrounded by family, staff and residents of CareOne, Ed sat beside Terry whispering to her from time to time as Father Damian McElroy from Our Lady of Good Counsel in Moorestown read from 1 Corinthians.
Following a chaste kiss from Ed at the end of the ceremony, Terry’s fingers delicately stroked her lips attempting to decode the meaning. For Ed, the ceremony meant the fulfillment of a promise he made to Terry.
“It’s more for her than for me,” Ed said of the ceremony, which he spent nearly six months planning with the help of the staff at CareOne.
Five years ago, one of Terry’s friends renewed her vows. Inspired by the ceremony, Terry and Ed agreed that when they hit the 50-year mark, they would do the same.
The pair met in 1965, and for Terry, it wasn’t quite love at first sight, according to their son Christopher Hammer. He said his father was immediately smitten, but his mother found him a bit loud and obnoxious. Ed found himself working hard for that second date, but with a little persistence, he convinced Terry to give him another chance.
They wed at St. Williams Parish in Philadelphia in 1967, and grew their family at their home in Oxford Circle in Philadelphia, welcoming their daughter Michelle in 1971 and their son Christopher in 1975. They moved to New Jersey in 1979 where they remained, and today, Ed lives in Mt. Laurel visiting Terry in Moorestown a minimum of three times a week.
Ed said when Terry was pregnant she asked him one thing: “Can I stay home with the children?” He supported her decision, and she stayed at home with the children until their high school years. She went on to work at Under the Sun Learning Center in Marlton where she was beloved by many of her students, Ed said.
Looking back, both their daughter Michelle Pucci and son Christopher have fond childhood memories of their mother. Pucci said her mother was patient and caring, while Christopher recalls that despite going through difficult times as any family does, his parents never let their children know.
Christopher said being wed for half a century marks a real accomplishment.
“The fact that they’re together for 50 years — it’s not the easiest thing to do,” Christopher said.
In 2008, the pair started travelling — going to Ireland, Aruba and throughout the Caribbean in the years that followed. However, the travelling came to an end following Terry’s diagnosis in 2011. In 2013, Ed was told her condition was rapidly progressing, and so in 2014, for her safety, he moved Terry to CareOne Harmony Village, which is an assisted living community for the memory impaired.
Michael McGlinn, marketing director at CareOne, said the staff are inspired by Ed’s daily visits to Terry.
“The loyalty to be able to do that everyday,” McGlinn said. “He’s like an example for us. Could we do that? It’s very real, and it’s felt by our team.”
Pucci said the last few years have been hard on her father, but Saturday’s ceremony was a welcome celebration.
“For my dad to have this moment — to have this day — when there’s been a lot of sadness over the past few years, it’s been a nice feeling,” Pucci said.
For Ed, he wasn’t sure how much Terry got out of the ceremony, but it felt important to keep his promise nonetheless.
“I was trying to do this for her,” Ed said prior to the ceremony. “We talked about it, we were going to do it and I want to go through with it.”
He said he has vivid memories of his wife: from fishing for flounder in Mystic Island to spending their evenings at the Pub. He said occasionally, he thinks Terry ever-so-briefly recalls these memories too.
“I swear, every now and then when I’m over there, I look at her and say, “I love you,’” Ed said. “She’ll look up at you, and say, “I love you too.’”
